January 27, 2014

mother, please be careful not to cut off all of your fingers before I see you in August!  ....  

Well, Sister Abernathy got food poisoning on Thursday and so we stayed in for 2 days.  Elder Dahneke and Bishop were nice enough to pick her up some Gatorade and saltine crackers.  It was rough for her.  She ate 2 month old eggs on exchanges by accident.  We're pretty sure that's what did the trick.

So other than that, it was a good week.  Aracely and Jorge, the couple Presidente got worked up over, are set with a baptism date for February 15th.  They've been very prepared by the Lord.  Jorge told us straight up that he knows the Catholic church doesn't have the priesthood authority.  

Juliana is doing okay... lately she's been kind of like, "I need more time, I'm confused.."  We tried to explain the restoration to her very clearly, but she doesn't seem to be grasping on to the idea of the RESTORED church of Jesus Christ.  We've been praying and brain storming a lot over it and we think we need to help her see how that priesthood authority can personally bless her children because right now she seems to just see it as something that's great for Joseph Smith.  I don't think she's understanding that the reason Heavenly Father restored the priesthood through Joseph Smith was so that all mankind can benefit from having the power of God upon the earth again.  She is still very grateful for us, though and always welcoming.  Her oldest son, Noe, is making things difficult.  He doesn't want to ever leave the house... he loved primary the first time he went, but now he's just like, "Nope.  don't wanna go."  And we tried to bribe him by telling him we'll make cookies or brownies if he stays for all three hours and he's like, "no, I don't like that stuff."  Anyway, we'll see.  It can be frustrating when people don't see how much this gospel can truly bless their lives.  We'll just focus on doing all we can to increase her vision, and the rest is her albedrio personal.  

Isidro's still doing good.  We actually stopped by this morning to see how he was doing and remind him of our lesson tomorrow.  He was sitting outside reading his Book of Mormon!  He's so legit. Jorge was there, too.  We committed Jorge to read and pray about the Book of Mormon just like Isidro.  He's been running away from us lately because he still has the mindset that if he's tempted to drink a beer, he has to run away from the Book of mormon and us.  We testified that it doesn't work that way.  The moments when he's most tempted is when he needs to pick up the book of mormon and/or pray in order to gain the strength to overcome that temptation.  If he wants to change - which he assures us he does - he cannot avoid these things.  He has to use prayer and the BOM as weapons to fight against Satan's temptations.  Right now he sees them as things he can only turn to once he's already right with God. Work in progress, he'll get there.  The most important thing is that his heart's in the right place.

My companion has great Spanish.  She doesn't think so, but much better than mine was when I started.  Ha.  Although, when I was training I was brutally hard on myself.  I'm better at being nicer to myself now, but self criticism is still one of the biggest things I struggle with.  I guess I'm kind of a hypocrite, though, because our district leader, elder Dahneke, is very hard on himself even though he's an excellent district leader and missionary.  He's very easily stressed and takes everything out on himself.  We got lost yesterday on our way to dinner, ended up on the other side of Las Vegas BLVD where it's all desert (haha, don't worry, still in desert bloom boundaries!) And when we FINALLY got to dinner, he's all, "I feel bad.  I couldn't help you out when you called."  Meanwhile, we were the ones on the other end of the phone going, "we're in the middle of the desert!  where do we go?"  Of course he couldn't help us.  So I always tell him to be nice to himself, but I'm also a lot like him in that sense.  sister Abernathy chewed me out about it one day (not really).  She was like, "you're a fantastic missionary and the people love you, why are you hard on yourself?"  Haha.  What I've noticed, though, is that the thing that really helps me feel better about myself is when I compliment and am kind to others.  

Speaking of our district leader and being kind to others, Elder Dahneke and I have been serving in the same ward/branch since the end of July and I've seen him change A LOT. However, I reckon it's hard for him to see that growth in himself.  As our district leader, we want to be able to lift him up as much as we can, and you can see it means a lot to him when we compliment him here and there.  do you think it would be inappropriate to write him a card or something?  Nothing awkward, just to say thank you for being an awesome leader?     

I love you all very much and I hope you continue to ver milagros. :)  yo les amo muchisimo!  <3    

January 20, 2014

This week was a much better week. Our member present lessons went up and our district (just the 4 of us) did awesome!  We had 9 investigators at church today, combined with the elders, Desert Bloom had 11 investigators at church!  One of those people happened to be Isidro, the man we've been trying to get to come to church for forever!  He would always tell us he will when his leg heals, blah blah, but he came yesterday for the first hour.  I'm so proud of him.  I prayed for him a lot so that he'd be able to come to church.  I just have a lot of love for him - well, for all of our investigators - but he's always been kind of special to me, don't know why.  I feel like he's my grandpa or something.  I felt the same way with Marcos.  Last time we went over to see him, we were bold with him, restated our purpose and let him know that while we are always there for him, we cannot continue to come by if he is not willing to put his trust in the Lord to help him fulfill this commandment.  It was a cool lesson and he came to church in his slippers and book of Mormon!  I asked Heavenly Father in my prayers to let us know if he is ready or not in this moment, by giving him the strength and motivation to come to church.  I'm so happy to see that the answer to my prayer was a yes. :) 

 

The Ventura family also came to church, minus the mother and one of the daughters.  Juliana as well, but she only stayed for the first hour this time.  We also had a brand new investigator show up late.  We did a little church tour with him.  His name's Victor and he's from Cuba.  By the way, did you know Cuban flan is 10x tastier than Mexican flan?  Yep. :)  I'm starting to love the Cuban people, we've been teaching a lot of them lately. 

 

We had interviews with president this week.  It was a good experience.  President Neider assured me that I am a great missionary and he can feel my strength.  Him and sister Nieder told me I was a great trainer as well.  sister Neider told me I look so much different than the first day I arrived.  She said she doesn't know why or what changed, but that I have a bright glow about me and seem to be a different person altogether. "You looked beautiful before, but now you look drop dead gorgeous!" She said that to me the last couple of times I saw her, too. She also said, "Your mission has changed you."  I know that those are all kind of petty, vain things, but in a way a big answer to my prayers lately.  I've been wondering whether or not I would be the kind of person I want to be by the time my mission is through... to hear sister Nieder and president Nieder's perspective of the kind of missionary I've become and how they see me, I feel as if I'm hearing what Heavenly Father feels about me and sees in me.  When elder Carlson came he said something about how we should go home the kind of person our parents don't recognize.  That made quite an impact on me back in November.  I hope when I see you all in August, you'll be able to see that I've changed for the better.  I still feel like myself, but a better version.  I have a ways to go still, but I'm a work in progress and I plan on having that process continue after my mission as well and throughout the rest of my life. 

 

Also, during sister Abernathy's interview, sister Nieder and I went on a power walk together around the chapel.  That was fun and I actually just got to talk to her about the branch and everything.  I might be going English soon.  yikes! 

 

I love you all very much!     

January 13, 2014

Before I get into the details of this week, I have some troubling news... I lost my license!  Before you go all, tsk tsk, you should know that I am very responsible with all of my cards!  Never take it out of my wallet or anything!  And so we searched everywhere and I have no idea where it is... it will probably show up sometime, but in the meantime, sister abernathy is driving and I have two options..go to the DMV and get a Nevada license or you can try and see about getting a Florida license replacement for me.  Sister Neal, (the car lady at the mission office) didn't even seem to think it was a big deal that I lost it, so that made me feel a little less stupid.  Anyway, I was thinking about just doing both.  Going to the DMV and also if you over there in Florida could try and see about getting me a replacement as well, that would be great.  The only thing is that before I go to the DMV, I'm going to need you to send me a copy of my birth certificate and possibly one other proof of identification.  I have my SSN, though.  Sorry. :(

(I told her it was illegal to have 2)

This week was a bit of a blur.  I do want to say, however, that I am very grateful for your letter you sent me with the tiny package.  I needed to hear it.  I'm sure you felt prompted by the spirit to write those words and for that I'm grateful.  Lately I've been feeling like no matter what I do, I'm failing in some way.  It's been a serious struggle lately to get members with us - and even when we do, no one will answer the door.  By the end of the weeks, I feel as if we've worked quite hard, but our numbers do not show it.  On top of that, yesterday at ward council we were humiliated in front of the entire branch presidency.  We discussed the people we had seen this past week and the branch president called us out about a couple that had come to church 2 weeks in a row and we hadn't visited them yet.  We didn't recognize their names at first and it took us a moment and he was all like, "oh that's bad, they don't even remember their names!"   A few seconds later we realized who he was talking about, and actually had plans to go see them that night.  There were a few other hurtful comments he used and we just felt very belittled.  It was the cherry on top for me after feeling so beaten down throughout the week...well, actually it wasn't the cherry on top.  The cherry was when our district leader, elder Dahneke, acted like he knew who presidente was talking about in the meeting and kept looking at us like, "don't you know who they are?  Huh?  Huh?" And then very light heartedly says later, "I don't know who he was talking about."  The whole situation was extra frustrating because over the past few weeks, we've had new investigators at church and our focus needs to be on them and getting to know the branch (which is not small in numbers, mind you!).  It's not our fault if we don't get the chance to talk to every person in the chapel.  We try, we really do, but sometimes the members need to go up to us and introduce us to their friends or the people they want us to meet.  We were only introduced to this couple last week by the Retis family, at which point we got their information and they told us that that week wasn't a good time to visit.  So it wasn't fair.  especially because he never even took the time to introduce us to them before.  We barely just met them and they told us and we have to remember so many names! And they told US not to come by that week.  When elder Dahneke called us last night for our weekly phone call with the district leader, we told him that our feelings were hurt that morning and he apologized.  

I've been having a hard time lately feeling like I'm hitting a wall.  I never want to be the reason Desert Bloom doesn't trust missionaries anymore and I don't know what I'm doing to cause that, but I feel like I'm failing in some way.  

This morning I included in my prayer to let me know if there really is something I'm doing wrong or if Satan's just trying to get me to think there is.  Of course I can always work harder, but if there's something I'm doing WRONG I would like to know.  This morning during personal study I felt a little more peaceful and came across the scripture Doctrine and Covenants 6:36 that says, "look unto me in every thought.  doubt not, fear not."  I felt as if maybe Heavenly Father was trying to communicate with me in some way, and then your letter!  Have I been looking to Him in every thought?  I slip up at times, I'll admit.  But have I been STRIVING to work hard and follow His will?  Yes.  There's always things that I can improve on, I can always push myself more, but I'm not being disobedient or shifting my focus. I don't want to throw out my name tag and go home.  So then how much have I been worrying about numbers to measure our success?  Looking back over our numbers when I was with sister Webb, it makes me DOUBT myself even more and FEAR that the success we were getting with numbers was only due to her efforts, (even though we were both fully invested in the work) and my efforts without her aren't enough.  

Yes, it's true that MPLs are important, our mission is big on 10 a week.  And there have been many times this past transfer that we've had members, but no one ends up being home, so we don't end up getting the numbers.  During my personal study this morning, though, a thought popped into my head.  Maybe it's not so much what I'm doing wrong, as much as there's something I personally need to learn from it.  A test of my faith, talvez?  I tend to worry too much about what others think of me and despite how hard I know we work and my companion knows how hard we work, I often times allow what outside people see (like numbers) to define who I am or rather, what kind of missionary I am.  I need to develop more integrity in that sense.  I know who I am, I know my intentions.  Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ know my heart.  So in my thoughts am I looking unto Him or am I looking unto the opinions of others and what they possibly think of me?  

Then I read a little bit in Alma about the struggles those missionaries went through.  We're going to face moments at times where we're on the very edge of losing hope.  We wear the name of Jesus Christ on our chests!  With that comes our responsibility to respond well to trials and persecution. Maybe absolutely no one will answer the door for two days in a row.  Maybe we have a bad experience at ward council about something that's out of our control.  If we're on that very edge, it's our choice to either go apostate and lose all hope or take it as a blessed opportunity to become more Christ-like - build our characters and our faith.  So I'm grateful and I'm stronger than I was last week.  

We had a really cool lesson with the Ventura family last night.  remember them?  We taught the Restoration with the whole family.  At the end each one offered a kneeling prayer.  The mom and dad were both crying at the end and the dad said, "me gusta.  Me siento mucha paz."  

Juliana is doing really well, we set her for baptism for the 8th of feb. and testified that she can be ready by that date, even if she doesn't know everything yet.  She realizes it's a special thing and feels good with everything, but she doesn't understand the necessity of the restored priesthood authority.  That's party our fault, so we're going to teach her the restoration again and re-set her.  Our last lesson with her was really powerful, though, and she cried when we showed her a picture of the savior and told her to try to imagine the love He has for her.  She asked us to sign that picture of Christ and give it to her oldest son, Noe, so he can look at it and remember the Savior when he feels lonely and Juliana has to work.  It's funny, she always tells her kids, "shhh, we're with papa Jesus right now" or "Papa Jesus loves you".  She knows that the father and son are two different personages, though.  I admire what a good example she is to her children.  When she says Papa Jesus, they know exactly who's she's talking about. 

Well, I love you all very much!  Stay good! <3                  

January 6, 2014

Yay! Road trip!  As for the release date, you might want to actually call president Nieder about that.  My official release date is August 6th, but I don't know when the transfer ends...it could be a little earlier or later.  There is a paper up in the office with release dates that are coming up, and mine should be up there soon because they put them up a few transfers in advance, but i'm not sure.  After this transfer, I only have 4 left and each transfer is 6 weeks.  I would call president, though.  Oh, by the way, did you know today is my 11th month mark?  Crazy, huh?

Don't apologize about all the primary talk!  I love it and I'm glad you are enjoying it.  New year, new changes!  Speaking of this new year, we had to be in our apartments at 6 this past new years eve, so we kind of just sat around with sparkling cider and beads and noise makers...and went to bed early.  Most exciting new years of my life!  

New transfer starts tomorrow, and sister Abernathy and I are still together!  Still serving with elder Dahneke and Bishop in desert Bloom!  My 5th transfer serving with elder Dahneke, how weird.  Did I tell you all that we have a district of 4?  Smallest district in the mission... our zone leaders come every time, even though they're serving all the way in ensign (my old area) because we can't be 2 on 2.  Yeah, they combined Desert Bloom with the Spanish zone last transfer, even though desert bloom is far, far away from the other spanish wards that make up the zone.  It's all good, though.  

Juliana came to church again on Sunday.  The last lesson we invited her to be baptized and she said she would when she knows more, but next time we see her this week, we're going to set her with a specific date.  I love her so much!  

We had our mid- 12 week training meeting the other day!  We all shared what we loved about our companions and sister Abernathy told everyone how funny I was and how she never goes a day without laughing.  So then, after the meeting sister Nieder tells me, "sister smith, you're going to be a fun mom."  You'd be surprised how much people talk about marriage and babies.  There's no escaping it.  Almost every training sister Nieder gives, she mentions that we are preparing ourselves to be excellent spouses and parents!  I'm not freaking out or getting baby trunky, I'm just letting you know, I never expected this!  Let me be a missionary forever! 

With this new year, I want to constantly ask myself, what more can I do?  Because I don't have a whole lot of time left on my mission, I want to make sure I end without regrets.  I want to be able to look back and be proud of what I've accomplished.  I want to rely more on my Savior as well.  Even with the little things.  I need to get on my knees more often.  

I love you all very much!  It's such a blessing to see that Heavenly Father is taking care of you and so many miracles have taken place.  I hope you see that. :)