March 25, 2013

To Paula Smith

Hey!  Yeah, my first area is right in the Vegas Valley.  They call our area east Las Vegas...  We are staying with an English speaking couple on a street named Za Zu Pitts!  They are super nice, but extremely clean.  They had a talk with us our first night to go over house rules.  They like to keep their home on the same level of cleanliness as the temple.  They also have a home security thing that you have to type a code into every time you leave or come into the house.  When we leave, we have a minute to get out before the alarm goes off.  It's loco.  Haha!  At night it's really pretty because right behind our house you can see a perfect view of the strip. 

 

 My companion, Hermana Franco, and I have been double transferred, which means it is a brand new area for both of us.  We are opening the area.  So we've been spending the week trying to visit potentials and members.  We've also done some street contacting.  It's tough because the area is new for both of us and we're just trying to get our feet on the ground.  For the first two days we didn't even have a map of our area, and the area book and the ward list we have is outdated, so many people have moved away.  It's tough, but I'm surviving somehow.  Haha.  The Spanish is really hard for me.  I don't really understand much when people talk to me, but I keep my "zoo face" on, as Hermana Franco calls it.  Hermana Franco says she couldn't understand a word when she came out, but she's been out 13 months now and her Spanish is great, so hopefully I get there eventually.  Today should be our first lesson with a young woman named Gladys. 

 

And wow, I didn't realize how little Spanish I really knew until I got out here!  They really do baby you in the MTC! It's 10x tougher out here on the field!  Even though I'm serving in a state side mission, I feel like I'm in a different country.  Just about everyone out here is Hispanic.  And EVERYONE has a Chihuahua!  They're all over the streets, in all the houses, EVERYWHERE!   

 

The weather's really nice, though.  It's even kind of chilly right now, but the sun warms things up in mid day.  Yeah, Hermana Furstenau was pretty good at Spanish in the MTC, but our lessons together were pretty evenly taught I think.  So how was dad when he first got out into the field?  Could he understand when people talked?  Could he talk right away?  

 

I have this fear of being a lack luster missionary, and I really don't want to let opportunities pass me by because I have no confidence in my abilities.  It's a struggle, but I'll be okay.  I have the Lord on my side.   

 

 I actually see Hermana Webb a lot because her companion was my companion's companion during their last transfer.  Haha!  They were really close, so I just saw Hermana Webb today at the grocery store.  She's going to tell her cousin to stalk Joe on facebook, but I'll definitely let her know about his email.  ;)  She's dead serious about this matchmaking thing.  Honestly, I have NO TIME to cash checks here, and I don't even know where a B&T bank is.  It would be best to send it back to you and then transfer it over to my debit card.     

I'll tell you some really cool things that have already happened, though.  So our second night, we were coming home from a potential's house and we did some street contacts on the way back to the car.  We came across an older woman named Debra.  She spoke English, so we started just talking to her like we normally would during a street contact, and ended up talking to her on her porch for about 40 minutes.  She opened up a lot to us and we shared some thoughts about having faith and staying strong and trusting in God through hard times.  She expressed to us that she had been looking for peace at this time in her life and she felt as if we were sent to her for a reason.  We gave her a card and told her to check out Mormon.org and give us a call.  She said she definitely would.  We haven't received any phone calls from her, though. 

 

Another cool thing that happened was two nights ago.  We were trying to go visit members so that we could get referrals, but hardly anyone answered the door when we knocked.  Those that did weren't who we were looking for, but most accepted our pass along cards anyway.  Finally, we knocked on our last door and Elsa answered and let us in.  Elsa is a member and as we sat down and talked with her, she really opened up to us and shared some very personal trials she's had to go through in her life.  She also expressed that she was very lonely and didn't have many friends.  In fact, she had some food for the other elders in our district and they said they would come pick it up that night, but had forgotten.  We called the elders to remind them and then they came afterwards.  She was so grateful for us and felt that we were an answer to her prayers.  She said she had been crying all day and reading conference talks and really just having a hard time.  And if we hadn't come to her house, the elders would never have come to pick up the food and she would have felt so alone and so sad.  Yesterday during Relief Society she shared the experience and thanked us again.  

 

Even though I couldn't understand a great deal of what she was saying, I felt such a great love for her.  And that love for the people is what makes this work so worth it.  

 

Oh, and Hermana Franco is convinced the Relief Society president hates us.  Haha.  When we were at a meeting, the RS president was very disappointed when she found out the two elders who had been visiting her previously would now be replaced by two hermanas.  Apparently she also told our zone leaders that she's not too fond of sister missionaries.  Who knows why?!  We'll just have to win her over somehow.  I hear the bishop in our ward is tough to deal with, too.  He never even introduced himself to us.  He sort of disappeared after sacrament meeting.  

 

My first day on the field our district told us we have a tough area and a difficult bishop..add that on to the fact that I don't speak Spanish and you can imagine how I felt that night.  What did I get myself into?!  

 

Really, though, it's a struggle, but I feel much better than I did 3 days ago.  I sent a package from the MTC to Las Vegas, but I haven't gotten it yet.  They said it would get to my mission home in two days, and it's STILL not here.  It had a lot of my Spanish books in it.  So I'm kind of freaking out about that, too.  Anyway, I love you and I'll send you pictures eventually.  I'm just a little stressed, so I can't do it right now.  Haha.  

March 18, 2013

Hola!  I can't get my money back for the luggage until I get to the mission office.  I asked a nice lady at the travel office here at the MTC and that's what she told me.  It also says so on my travel plans.  I have received 2 checks from the Jamesons, but have not cashed them yet because they only have a Zion's bank ATM.  I hope everyone wore green yesterday and didn't get pinched.  I'm so shocked to hear about Matt.  I hope all is well with him and his family.  He'll be in my prayers. 

 

Well, 5am Wednesday is when I head out to the airport.  I'm terrified and excited all at once.  Last night we watched a video of Elder Holland speaking at an MTC devotional just this past Thanksgiving.  It blew my mind, which is far from unusual for Elder Holland, and it made me reflect on my calling.  As scary as the thought of leaving the safe confounds of the MTC and going out into the world to preach the gospel is, I have felt a comforting sense peace these last few weeks - such comfort I've never felt before.  Everyone says it will be the hardest and most rewarding thing I will ever do, and I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father for this opportunity and His guidance.  I know that the reason I have managed to get through the tough times so far and why I do not fear the even tougher times that lie ahead is because I am never alone and I am never apart from my family.  My Heavenly Father is and will be with me through this entire journey.  I can feel His love and I couldn't be more grateful. 

 

I won't lie, there have been many times where I've felt like I'm just not cut out for this.  The language is tough (so many tenses!!!)  and I question whether or not I can even teach in English.  So then why am I here?  What have I gotten myself into?  Why me? Me me me me me me me. 

 

Truthfully, It's not about me.  My decision to serve a mission has never been about what I want.  Sure, I hope to grow immensely from it, but ultimately I never chose to be where I am right now for my own benefit.  When the announcement was made at conference, I still wasn't convinced I would become a missionary.  Never in my life growing up did I predict I would be sitting in a computer lab in Provo, Utah, getting ready to leave the MTC in two days.  As you're aware, at the time of the age change, I was struggling.  I didn't know what I wanted out of life, nothing felt right, and I was lost.  I felt prompted to pray about the possibility of serving a mission.  I thought, why not?  What could it hurt?  What I experienced next I never expected.  I went to a quiet room and I poured out the desires of my heart to God.  I wanted to feel a sense of worth or value in my life.  I was stuck and I was scared and I needed help.  After I prayed I felt prompted again to read my patriarchal blessing.  In it, my prayer was answered WORD FOR WORD.  It was almost as if the Holy Ghost was literally talking to me in that moment.  I asked to know what path would make me feel worthy or valuable and my patriarchal blessing told me that taking every opportunity to serve my fellow man - God's children - would give me a feeling of worth and value.  My soul was touched and I cried.  In that moment I knew that serving a mission is what God wanted of me.  Before, the thought terrified me and I tried to avoid considering it, but in that moment I KNEW I had received an answer - a powerful answer, and I could not and would not deny the Holy Ghost.  It wasn't about me anymore.  I chose to give up my will to God's. 

 

So I don't know why I was "chosen" as Elder Holland put it.  In his talk he explained that this generation of missionaries are a favored and chosen people and many prophets and servants of the Lord we read about in that Book of Mormon and Holy Bible went through many hardships and trials because they knew we would come in the last days and we would win.  I don't say these things to boast or brag.  I'm just sharing the words of an apostle of The Lord.  And I don't know why I was chosen to be born in this generation at this time.  I don't know why I am destined to serve a mission, but God knows, and I will not betray Him.  I trust Him with all my heart, might, mind and strength. 

 

I feel so blessed to have a strong foundation in my life.  I have made many mistakes in my life and there are many things I feel terrible about and there are things I wish I never did and I know I can always improve.  I've gone through tough things in my life and I've felt pain.  However, never have I questioned or doubted my Heavenly Father.  My faith in His existence and love for all mankind has never dwindled.  How weak in spirit would I be if I cursed him for every trial in my life.  I cannot do that.  I will not do that.  Instead, I am thankful for the hard times.  I'm thankful for my agency.  We cannot, as children of God, declare there is no God and that He is not our father because life gets hard and we sometimes feel alone.  We were never promised an easy life.  The plan of salvation was never intended to be easy.  We all knew that when we made the decision to follow it.  

 

I know we are all sons and daughters of God.  If not, who are we?  We should all give thanks to Him.  Everything we are is because of Him.  I'm so blessed to be here and to have the opportunity to save souls.  What a wonderful work.  What a wonderful, loving Heavenly Father.        

 

This is why I can do hard things.  

March 11, 2013

Hey!  I have been getting your DearElders, by the way. I just like to read your emails as well.  That´s ridiculous what you said about that writer from DC.  I don´t know the details, but it sounds ridiculous.  What do his beliefs have to do with Batman... I don´t know.  It´s not like he would change any of the characters.  If I was writing for them, my beliefs wouldn't effect the Batman mythos, and I´´m a serious Mormon   We're talking Missionary status.  Well, all I can say is I should be happy to be in a place where I´´m not longer around all that nonsense. Here in the MTC Everyone loves each other and there is absolutely no contact with the outside world.  Haha, that will change in a week, though!  We got our travel plans last week and we are now in our last week!  We leave next Wednesday and have to be at the Salt Lake airport at 5 AM.  I've become so used to the hectic MTC lifestyle that it seems so scary and surreal to know that I´m about to put what I´ve learned into real life.  I don´´t feel ready!  That´s normal, though, I suppose.  I can already tell this will probably be the hardest thing I will ever do.  And yet I feel mostly calm.  Prayer brings me a great deal of comfort.  And let me tell you, the teachers here are some of the most impressive human beings I have ever met.  My teachers are Hermano Hopoate and Hermana Gurecki.  So great.  One of the other districts has Hermana Mckay.  She taught us a few times and we see her a lot.  She is one heck of a woman.  Such a spiritual giant.  So much so that her presence is intimidating.  She even carries a knife tucked in her skirt.  She´s blonde, blue eyed and so nice, but a serious force to be reckoned with.  All of us Hermana´s want to be like her when we return from our missions. 

 

We've been having awesome fireside devotionals every Sunday and Tuesday night.  One in particular was really great.  I don´´t have my notebook with my right now, so I can´´t remember his name, but he´´s a member of the 70 and is Brazilian.  He sounds like Naveen from the Princess and the Frog!  So hilarious!  He gave a talk focused on the plan of salvation and described the different kingdoms we might inherit in the end.  He told us to decide now where we want to go and write it in our journal and live our lives in such a way that we will reach that goal. 

 

My district is all pretty close and we decided we´´re all going to be neighbors in heaven.  We drew pictures and everything.  We all love each other and will be sad to separate.  We´´ve grown a lot together and will definitely keep in touch.

 

So just to clarify, Dear Elder works!  I've gotten all of them, I just can´´t respond very quickly.  It´´s not my fault.  I got another package Saturday, but could't pick it up until today.  It might be from Aunt Erin because you said she was sending one out.  Haven´´t gotten it yet.  Just be patient and know that I´´m getting your mail and you will receive responses. 

 

I´´m so excited for Marina!  When is the baby due.  Pretty soon.  Question marks don´´t work on this computer for some reason.  I´´m too lazy and short on time to attempt to fix it. 

 

Anyway, love all of you!  Let people know they can write and send dearelders!  Still  nothing from the YW, by the way.

On Sat, Mar 9, 2013 at 5:07 PM, Paula Smith <hahn_smith@hotmail.com> wrote:

March 4, 2013

Hey.  You never responded to my last email... :(  Well, hopefully you respond to this one.  A lot happened this week.  This past Tuesday night devotional, M. Russell Ballard came and spoke.  It was amazing!  As soon as he entered the room, the spirit was so powerful.  We all stood up and I felt like I was going to fall over because my legs were shaking!  Such an incredible presence!  He pretty much bore his testimony to us - an hour long testimony.  It was very peaceful and he bore first hand witness that Christ lives. 

 

Just a few days ago something unexpected happened.  I don't want to speak much about it here in this email, but I will write you a letter personally explaining the details.  Anyway, through this experience, me and the other Hermanas in my district were able to receive priesthood blessings of comfort from the elders in our district the next day.  It was such a beautiful experience and I'm so grateful for the 6 (now 5) wonderful worthy young men in my district (elder Jensen, Ware, Wride, Fivas and Graf).  The spirit was so strong and when I received mine, Elder Wride addressed specific concerns I had without even knowing them.  The night before it took me a while to get to sleep. The events of the day kept running through my mind, haunting me and the room just felt dark.  I found out the next day that the other Hermanas felt the same way.  After the blessing the next morning, though, that night I slept like a baby and our classroom started to feel like a home again. 

 

I really hope to hear from you soon!  I hope everything is okay.  Did you get my letter with the birthday card?  I'll be sending another letter soon, which will be less vague, I promise.  I've already basically been here a month already.  It's really crazy.  17 more to go!  Wow, it really isn't that long.  It's just starting to look like spring here!  Most of the snow has melted and it's quite sunny in the middle of the day.  I was just telling my companion that every time I see a leaf blow by I think it's a lizard because in Florida lizards zip past your feet everywhere.  It reminded me how much I'm not looking forward to dealing with scorpions!  I'd take roaches over scorpions any day! 

 

I still haven't received anything from the Young Women.  I'd love to hear from them, though!  You said they sent me something over a week ago.  Us hermanas in branch 1 district D are now the senior sister missionaries in our zone!  We've been here the longest and look after the other hermanas.  I play volleyball a lot.  It's great.  The food gets tiresome after a while, but we fasted yesterday so I was extremely excited to be in the cafeteria again!  Steak and shrimp is what was for dinner last night.  The steak was fantastic!  Friday night is usually papa John's pizza night, but this past Friday they switched it up and we got frozen dinner Chinese food instead. Bleh..  I'm looking forward to using that Chick-fil-a gift card.

 

As much as I talk about being excited to get on the field, I'm pretty sure once I step foot back into the real world, I'll want to run back to the MTC.  The other day we got so excited just to be able to take a walk outside in the sun.  I felt like I had been trapped in a classroom for years and it was my very first taste of sunshine.  I'm learning a lot, but I still feel like I don't know enough.  It's not easy, but I know I'm doing the Lord's work and I'm learning to take myself out of the equation.  

 

Anyway, I hope you get this.  I hope everything it fantastic!  I love you all!       

Feb 25, 2013

Thank you so much for that beautiful thought!  Super bien!  I've decided I'm just going to write this one email and ask you if you could post them on FB and forward them to friends and family.  At least until I get out on the field.  How is everyone doing?  I'm halfway into the MTC experience..I think actually more than halfway!  I can't wait to get to Las Vegas, but I know I still have a lot to learn.  I got a package slip 2 days ago, but I wasn't able to pick it up until today, so I'll do that before lunch.  I always get excited about a package!  I don't know if you got my letter about DearElder.com?  ANYONE WHO MIGHT BE READING THIS:  Go to DearElder.com if you want to write me!  Anyone can and I can receive them the same day. 

 

Anyway, we had another devotional last night (every Sunday and Tuesday) by Brother Stephan B. Allen.  He was hilarious and talked about expectations we may have had prior to entering the MTC and understanding that it's not easy, but worth it.  And also that it's okay and normal to feel depressed or scared sometimes.  It doesn't make us evil, as he put it.  Getting a good seat at the devotionals is crazy.  Everyone else in my district is perfectly content with sitting in the overflow, but my companion and I would rather be in the room where all the action happens, so we push our way through the crowd every time, participating in inappropriate body contact.  It's worth it, though.

 

You should see how many missionaries have friends waiting for them at the temple on our Sunday temple walks.  Mostly sister missionaries!  It's kind of frustrating to see people breaking the rules like that, and then it makes me realize, so many people at the MTC know each other!  One of my roommate's entire high school population is in the MTC right now!  On our very first day, all of the new missionaries gathered together for a devotional and President Roach called out different states and countries and we would stand up if our hometown was called.  I'm pretty confident I was the only one from Florida.  Anyway, he named off state after state and people stood up here and there...and then it got to Arizona and there was a significantly higher number, and then Idaho, and when he finally said Utah, BAM!  Everyone in the room shot up.  I met two sister missionaries in the bathroom the other day who are going to be serving in the Tampa Florida mission.  They asked me what the weather was like and I told them what ward I'm from.  So you might be having them over for dinner sometime! 

 

I have a letter I'm working on writing, so it will get to you eventually.  The mail is very slow going out... but happy birthday, mom and dad!  

I can't send you pictures yet, but you can send me pictures, so send me pictures!!! 

Again, TO ANYONE READING THIS: DearElder.com! and if you want my address and can't find it, ask mi familia.         

Feb 18, 2013

Hey!  Another p-day... did you ever get the letters I sent?  I sent a few.  This past week has been a good one.  In the beginning I was a bit discouraged and my emotions were roller coasting almost out of control!  I go from studying all day long in a class room and getting frustrated with the language, and then we have a really spiritual fireside or devotional and I'm like, "I can take on the world!" 

This week, however, I had a talk with my teacher, Hermano Opoate, and I shared with him my seminary experiences and why I chose to serve a mission, and asked for his advice on learning the language.  He told me to focus on the lessons we've learned and as I say my prayers and bear my testimony in Spanish, (which I can do pretty well) learn new words to use, but don't worry about trying to master something that hasn't been taught yet.  He told me to "avoid comparing like the plague" and that The Lord's expectations are what matters. He also told me that they have had non-members come to the MTC and attempt to learn a language, but never could.  The reason being is that our lessons are focused on gospel topics and the vocabulary we learn is all church related.  I thought that was interesting and it brought me a lot of comfort.  It requires faith, and through faith and trust, miracles can happen. 

Speaking of which, we had an awesome fireside last night!  It was about miracles and how they are possible when we trust in and have faith in the Lord.  The speaker, brother Littlefield, (I think.  I don't have my notebook with me!)  who is the manager in charge of over-seeing the mission call proccess, shared an experience when he was in a room with one of the apostles deciding where they should send one particular young man on a mission.  The apostle said, "he needs to go to Thailand."  (Or the Phillipines, I don't remember which one.)  The problem was, this young man didn't know the language and the MTC in that country he was about to be sent to didn't teach English speakers the language.  When the Brother Littlefield voiced his concerns to the apostle, his response was, "Oh, he'll figure it out."  As it turns out, the MTC in Thailand or the Phillipines had begun teaching the language to native English speakers the very day that missionary entered the MTC. 

He shared some other incredible stories as well.  One about this missionary who promised another soon to be missionary that he would baptize his father, who apparently had many run ins with the missionaries in the past and was very stubborn.  The soon to be missionary told the Elder, "good luck with that!"  Overtime, this missionary did baptize the other young man's father and wrote to him telling him so.  As it turns out, this missionary who baptized the other missionary's father also had an aunt who he swore up and down would never be baptized.  As a strange coincidence, the younger missionary whose dad was baptized, found the other missionary's aunt and baptized her.  I hope that story made sense.  I'm running low on time so that's as clear as I can make it right now. 

We don't know when we'll be teaching another "investigator" again.  Ricarda, who was our investigator, but is going to be one of our actual teachers, is in Colorado with her sister, so until she gets back, we've been waiting patiently for our next assignment.  I took lots of pictures yesterday on the temple walk.  You'll see them in a few weeks when I leave the MTC.  I can't believe it's already been almost 6 weeks!  Times flies! 

I hope you got my letters.  I love you all!      

First email from the MTC

Feb 11, 2013

Hola, mama!  I don't know Renee and dad's email off the top of my head, so if you want to forward this to them or just all of you gather around the computer at once...I don't know.  I've already written you a lot of mail.  If you haven't gotten any yet, it's coming.  I'm trying to figure out how often I should write you.  Maybe I'll limit it to a couple times a week plus an email...  Anyway, things have been going good.  They keep us busy and we can only study in our classroom, so we're sitting down almost everyday other than exercise time and lunch/breakfast/dinner.  We have to teach an investigator named Ricarda in Spanish EVERY DAY except Sunday.  It's tough, and so far I haven't been able to say anything except bearing my testimony and praying, which is still a bit limited...  Everybody speaks English and says, "don't worry about the language" and then we get into a language class or Sacrament meeting and they only speak Spanish to you...oh, and we have to teach Ricarda in Spanish.  They really expect you to push yourself and teach yourself, which is proving to be hard for me because I don't know where to start.  They usually teach you a lesson for a very minor portion of the day and it's up to you to take it from there.  Blah.  I'll get there.  We have to teach Ricarda today even though it's P-day.  We just got back from the temple.

 

Last night was really great.  Sundays are already my favorite day. :)  We had a devotional where a man named Mark J. Lusvardi taught about loving and becoming friends with those you teach.  He opened with a story about a waitress he met at Olive Garden one day who took away their menus and proceeded to bring out food of her own choosing.  He said when he and his family left the restaurant, he felt like he just spent time with a friend because the waitress was so friendly and different and talked to them the whole night.  The waitress was in like her 70s.  So they began to go visit her at work every holiday and for special occasions.  She is still very close to them to this day.  It was a great devotional and he tied it in beautifully with the message.  Then we watched a talk given by Jeffrey R. Holland that he gave some years back at the MTC.  He spoke with so much passion about the seriousness of missionary work, it felt like he was lecturing everyone in the room.  After that I know I will definitely not give up.  I do not want to disappoint an apostle of the Lord, especially Elder Holland.  He was laying the law down for sure.  Quite intense.  He shared a little poem that went something like this:

 

Go to the edge

no, I'll fall

Go to the edge

no, i'll fall

Go to the edge

....he went to the edge and got pushed off... and flew.

 

It sounded WAY better when Elder Holland said it, but you get it I hope. 

 

He talked about how we shouldn't expect it to be easy because we are servants of the Lord.  When we stand as His witness with His name on our chests, we must expect challenges and experiences that will push us to our limits.  Christ suffered so much more than we can ever comprehend, but through missionary work we get a taste of that.  It was super powerful.  If we Endure to the End and have faith, we can fly.  He will comfort us.  We also have to love the people enough.  Just as Christ loved all of us so much that he would give His own life and ask Heavenly Father to forgive us, we have to love others as sons and daughters of God because that's who we all are.  Then we can also experience a taste of that pure love of Christ. 

 

I'm running out of time, so I'll wrap it up.  (Yes, there's a countdown...)  I love you all very much and you will be in my prayers.  Take care of my baby Smokey!  I can't send pictures until I get out on the field because apparently the computers don't work well hooked up to cameras or something...whatever.  I'll be here for 5 more weeks.  Well, starting today.  March 20th is when I head out to the field.