Hola! I can't get my money back for the luggage until I get to the mission office. I asked a nice lady at the travel office here at the MTC and that's what she told me. It also says so on my travel plans. I have received 2 checks from the Jamesons, but have not cashed them yet because they only have a Zion's bank ATM. I hope everyone wore green yesterday and didn't get pinched. I'm so shocked to hear about Matt. I hope all is well with him and his family. He'll be in my prayers.
Well, 5am Wednesday is when I head out to the airport. I'm terrified and excited all at once. Last night we watched a video of Elder Holland speaking at an MTC devotional just this past Thanksgiving. It blew my mind, which is far from unusual for Elder Holland, and it made me reflect on my calling. As scary as the thought of leaving the safe confounds of the MTC and going out into the world to preach the gospel is, I have felt a comforting sense peace these last few weeks - such comfort I've never felt before. Everyone says it will be the hardest and most rewarding thing I will ever do, and I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father for this opportunity and His guidance. I know that the reason I have managed to get through the tough times so far and why I do not fear the even tougher times that lie ahead is because I am never alone and I am never apart from my family. My Heavenly Father is and will be with me through this entire journey. I can feel His love and I couldn't be more grateful.
I won't lie, there have been many times where I've felt like I'm just not cut out for this. The language is tough (so many tenses!!!) and I question whether or not I can even teach in English. So then why am I here? What have I gotten myself into? Why me? Me me me me me me me.
Truthfully, It's not about me. My decision to serve a mission has never been about what I want. Sure, I hope to grow immensely from it, but ultimately I never chose to be where I am right now for my own benefit. When the announcement was made at conference, I still wasn't convinced I would become a missionary. Never in my life growing up did I predict I would be sitting in a computer lab in Provo, Utah, getting ready to leave the MTC in two days. As you're aware, at the time of the age change, I was struggling. I didn't know what I wanted out of life, nothing felt right, and I was lost. I felt prompted to pray about the possibility of serving a mission. I thought, why not? What could it hurt? What I experienced next I never expected. I went to a quiet room and I poured out the desires of my heart to God. I wanted to feel a sense of worth or value in my life. I was stuck and I was scared and I needed help. After I prayed I felt prompted again to read my patriarchal blessing. In it, my prayer was answered WORD FOR WORD. It was almost as if the Holy Ghost was literally talking to me in that moment. I asked to know what path would make me feel worthy or valuable and my patriarchal blessing told me that taking every opportunity to serve my fellow man - God's children - would give me a feeling of worth and value. My soul was touched and I cried. In that moment I knew that serving a mission is what God wanted of me. Before, the thought terrified me and I tried to avoid considering it, but in that moment I KNEW I had received an answer - a powerful answer, and I could not and would not deny the Holy Ghost. It wasn't about me anymore. I chose to give up my will to God's.
So I don't know why I was "chosen" as Elder Holland put it. In his talk he explained that this generation of missionaries are a favored and chosen people and many prophets and servants of the Lord we read about in that Book of Mormon and Holy Bible went through many hardships and trials because they knew we would come in the last days and we would win. I don't say these things to boast or brag. I'm just sharing the words of an apostle of The Lord. And I don't know why I was chosen to be born in this generation at this time. I don't know why I am destined to serve a mission, but God knows, and I will not betray Him. I trust Him with all my heart, might, mind and strength.
I feel so blessed to have a strong foundation in my life. I have made many mistakes in my life and there are many things I feel terrible about and there are things I wish I never did and I know I can always improve. I've gone through tough things in my life and I've felt pain. However, never have I questioned or doubted my Heavenly Father. My faith in His existence and love for all mankind has never dwindled. How weak in spirit would I be if I cursed him for every trial in my life. I cannot do that. I will not do that. Instead, I am thankful for the hard times. I'm thankful for my agency. We cannot, as children of God, declare there is no God and that He is not our father because life gets hard and we sometimes feel alone. We were never promised an easy life. The plan of salvation was never intended to be easy. We all knew that when we made the decision to follow it.
I know we are all sons and daughters of God. If not, who are we? We should all give thanks to Him. Everything we are is because of Him. I'm so blessed to be here and to have the opportunity to save souls. What a wonderful work. What a wonderful, loving Heavenly Father.
This is why I can do hard things.
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